Final Mess Up
by Anxious Gemini
Summary: Prussia died, and Italy feels like it's partly his fault, and is tired of being so useless, so he'll fix it, so he'll never mess another thing up. (WARNING: Suiside, depressed Italy, and PruIta(PrussiaXItaly))
1. part one

I was in my bed, staring at the ceiling.. I hadn't gotten out of it for a week by now, or opened the blinds, finding the light painful. I was too useless to get up and do things, everyone called me useless, didn't they? If they didn't, I know they thought it. I was the useless Italy, while fratello was the much needed one, he didn't mess things up, he didn't cry about everything. I'm told I cry too much by everyone. I hate it. I don't want to be this way, but I have to. I remember at some point I wasn't like this.

There was a knock on my door, I didn't respond. I didn't even look up. After a few more knocks, the door opened.

My brother came in, dressed in a nice black suit, "Fratello get up, we only have three hours until our flight.." he went over to the curtains, pulling them open.

I hissed at that, shaking my head as I brought my blanket over my head. He sighed, pulling it off, then going to my closet and getting my own black colored suit, along with a brush. It was like I was a little child all over again.. Well, I am just as useless as one, I mean, I couldn't save him. If I couldn't save him, what could I do? _I'm not even supposed to be here!_ Romano has the capital after all…

…

" _Fratello, why is everyone calling me Italy? Aren't we both Italy?" I tugged on my brother's shirt as we walked out of the meeting place. He shot me a glare, and began walking faster, towards his car._

 _As I got in, I asked again, "Fratello.. why does everyone call me Italy!?" I whined my demand._

 _He eyed over at my as he started the car, "Not now.." he began speeding off, towards our house (since the meeting was being held in Italy)_

 _I frowned, poking at him, "Tell meee"_

 _He pulled over, looking at mr in anger, "Do you really wanna know?" His eye twitched as the words spilled from his mouth._

 _I nodded, "Si.. Why would I ask if I didn't?"_

 _He sighed, "Because.." he paused._

" _Because what?"_

" _..I have the capital.."_

" _So?"_

" _..." He bit his lip, looking at me again, "Are you sure you want to know?".. for some reason he didn't seem angry anymore…_

" _Si!" I said imachiantly_

" _...Our boss was saying that if it was declared that we both weren't needed.. you would…" he looked at me for a bit more, then turned to his wheel, starting to drive again._

" _...Why didn't he tell me?" I whispered._

 _He must have not heard it, because he didn't answer._

…

It didn't fight fratello as he dressed me, and brushed my hair. I was like a puppet, or a doll. Well I had always been a puppet. All threw out my life I've done what other want me to. All my life I've had that fake smile and forced joy since I was a small child. Afterall, everyone likes a happy person. All I had to do was act stupid. Yes. I had to give up my knowledge for fake joy. Fake joy that wasn't even for my good, but for the good of those around me. I wonder what they would think if they found me crying for real, if they found me curled up, sobbing in a closet. Only one person has ever seen me really cry.

…

 _I was curled up crying. Where was I? The only place in Germany's house that no one was in. The basement. I'm not sure why, but he always told me not to go in here, which always confused me. Especially since it was clean in here… Oh wel-_

 _I flinched as lights turned on, and footsteps came closer. I looked up, teary eyed, finding a pair of ruby colored ones looking back, "Ita?"_

 _I sniffled and nodded, wiping away my tears._

" _What's wrong?"_

" _...N-Nothing.." just thinking about how I shouldn't even be here, how I, like you, should have disappeared awhile ago._

" _Ita…" I found a pair of arms around me, "Please tell me.. I won't tell anyone else… I promise.."_

" _..I-It.. it's just… I shouldn't even be around.. We don't need two Italies.." I murmured, my words making Prussia frown._

" _Oh Ita.. You are needed, because without you who would make me and west such good tasting pasta?" He said jokingly._

 _I giggled a bit, nodding._

 _Prussia seemed like he was going to say something else, but stopped himself, and let go of me._

 _That's where I messed up with him. I should have told him about my feelings. I shouldn't have told myself to kept them to myself. If I had, he'd at least have known, if not been alive for longer. I could be in his arms right now, he could whisper sweet nothings into my ear, he could snuggle me while I sleep, encourage me when I mess up…_

" _W-Well.. I better get back home.."_

 _Prussia nodded, then smirked a bit, "Ita~!"_

" _Si?"_

" _When are you coming back over?"_

" _Tomorrow probably.."_

 _He nodded a bit, and paused, then smirked at me "Can you bring some pasta with you?'_

" _If you promise to be here~!"_

" _I promise I will. I'll be at the table waiting! I won't eat anything untill you come back, so that I won't be full."_

 _I nodded, then waved my goodbye._

…

I got the window seat on the airplane, due to fratello not wanting me to get up at any point.

"..Fratello, do you ever feel like your life has no purpose?"

Romano looked at me, alarmed, "No, why?"

"Just wondering… I wonder if that's what Prussia felt.. Maybe that's why he died.. Because there was no point to being alive anymore.."

Romano just looked at me, mouth opened, but after a bit longer, closed it, gulping. He pulled out a book as he shook his head and muttered things to himself in our language.

I found myself absently staring out the window, and slowly but surely nodding off...

…

 _I was standing on Germany's doorstep, holding a basket as I knocked on the door. I had just made three plates of pasta for Prussia and me._

 _ **Author's Note:... Well this started as a oneshot, then I finished and found myself at 1,500 words, so… I'm splitting this into two parts! I hope you enjoy this trash I have written, and yeah… I'm sorry… I was tired while writing this, so sorry if it's hard to understand...**_


	2. part two

_Finally the door opened, and Germany stood there. He just stood there, not smiling, not telling me to come in. His eyes were pink, and his cheeks seemed to have tear stains, and he seemed to have bags under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept. His hair.. His hair was no longer slicked back.. What was going on? "G-Germany?" I murmured, reaching towards him. Just yesterday everything was ok. Did I do something? I must have. I always do._

" _...Prussia died.." he whispered, sounding like a little broken child._

" _What?".. was I miss hearing? My ears told me he said Prussia died, while my mind said I had misheard, I mean he wasn't that loud._

" _...Prussia died last night.." he repeated.. It almost sounded like he was trying to convince himself._

 _At that moment I dropped my basket, sprinting inside, towards the basement while shaking my head. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't. This had to be a dream. Maybe it was a joke. A really unfunny joke. Yeah.. But Germany didn't joke… Well maybe this is a first.. maybe it's April first.. yeah… that's it.. it has to be.. it has to…_

 _But.. Prussia wasn't there… no… It couldn't be true.. It just couldn't… I hadn't told him…_

…

At Prussia's funeral Germany, Hungary, France, Spain, and Austria gave speeches, they all seemed sad about his death, France breaking down into tears in the middle of it. Oh Prussia.. Why did you have to die? Why? This is no fair! This is just like Holy Rome! No! I'm taking that back! At least I could tell Holy Rome how I felt.. Prussia.. He had even promised me he'd be there, waiting for me in the kitchen. He said he wouldn't eat anything before I came so he'd have room for my pasta. He promised! He promised!

..Why were my hands numb? Why was my breath shaky? Why was everything a blur? Why, why, why? Why was I alive? Why did Prussia die? Why did it take so long? Why was I here? Where was here? Where, where, where? Why was my head fogged? Wh-

….

 _I found myself standing in front of a grave, while holding a little black hat. Prussia was next to me, wiping tears away._

" _...Was it painful?"_

" _..Nein.. he died fairly fast.." Prussia whimpered, the words lingering in the air. It was fairly fast. What did that mean? Just because it was fast didn't mean it wasn't painful. You can quickly chop your hand off, but it'll still hurt, won't it?_

" _...Where do you think he is now?" I asked, sniffling._

" _Up with all the other great nations that came before. I bet he's there talking with your grandpa right now having lots of fun. I bet it's paradise..." Prussia seemed to be saying that just reassure me. Of course, I knew the truth… A man once told me where Grandpa Rome went.. He said he went to something worse than hell, because nations never get into heaven.. He said that they do so many wrongs, kill so many people, god made them their own hell… So maybe Holy Rome was talking to Grandpa right now.. But it wasn't in the paradise Prussia made it sound like._

…

I found fratello glaring at me as we walked out of the room and towards our car, "Veneziano," he hissed, "Why the fuck did you fall asleep in the middle of it!? I told you to get some fucking sleep last night!..." oh.. I've angered fratello again… I didn't want to.. but I have. Why do I always mess up? Why do I always anger him? Why do I do these things I know I shouldn't? I shouldn't have passed out in the middle of the thing! I was so useless, a useless idiot! "Veneziano! Veneziano! Are you even listening!?"

I turned my head towards him, nodding, "I'm sorry fratello.. I'll never do it again.."

He rolled his eyes.

...

It's been another week since Prussia's funeral, and, I'm now sitting on the ledge of a bridge, my legs swinging. I had annoyed Romano again, accidently burned our food. He wouldn't stop yelling at me, so I decided to take a walk. I couldn't mess that up, could I?

I stared at the rapidly flowing water below me. It looked so wild and dangerous, but still had a beauty to it.

I closed my eyes, smiling as I saw Prussia's face, smiling at me, well grinning, grinning his normal cocky grin, that cocky grin I longed for, and his eyes sparkling like the rubies they were. Why did he have to die again? Why did he have to have his land taken from him? _Why did I have to fall in love with him?_

I sniffled, then decided something, beginning to stand up. I have fucked up for the last time, from now on, I won't be useless, pathetic, or weak. But how Veneziano? How will you accomplish this? I took one last look at the river below me, closing my eyes. I could hear the water crashing on a rock… "Ti amo Gilbert Beilschmidt.. Ti amo.." I leaned forward…

…

I was blinded by a white light, but as soon as I regained my vision, I could see I was in a valley, under a tree. Just a bit away from said tree where a bunch of wild flowers, all so pretty… It looked so pretty. I could feel arms around me, hmm how weird.. Who did they belong to? I tilted my head up, gasping when I saw the face…

"Ich liebe dich, Feliciano Vargas, ich liebe dich.."

 _ **Author's Note: Once again, I'm sorry for this mess of a thing I wrote. Ehhh… This is so bad.. I'm so sorry...**_


End file.
